


in which dave has something to say

by Indubitably



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Pesterlog, a lot of rambling, shitty rapping
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-25
Updated: 2012-12-25
Packaged: 2017-11-22 10:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,446
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/608985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Indubitably/pseuds/Indubitably
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave rambles, then he raps, then John raps, a happy resolution is made, and they live happily ever after.</p>
            </blockquote>





	in which dave has something to say

**Author's Note:**

> The raps contain a "secret" message. Just read the first letter of each line of the raps.
> 
> Anyways, Merry Christmas, everybody!

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:44 --

TG: ok you need to listen up because something unreal is about to happen  
TG: im about to lay something down for you thats so outrageous itll make your heart go pitter patter into overdrive  
TG: youll be swooning all over the place going oh dave thats so grand and swell and totally not lame at all that youre giving me a case of the vapors  
TG: just in a more… you type of way  
TG: or at least thats what i hope??  
TG: who the hell knows how this is actually going to turn out cause it sure as hell aint me  
TG: lalonde and harley seems to know something is up though  
TG: anyways  
TG: are you ready for this  
TG: cause im going to bust it out soon  
TG: maybe you should sit down for this cause its gonna get pretty fucking crazy soon  
TG: dont want you to stumble and hit your head when i reveal the big surprise  
TG: send you straight into a coma and your dad will cry at your bedside as he clutches at your limp hand and maybe hell curse the strider household name for rendering his precious heir a vegetable  
TG: im sorry mr egbert i told your son to sit down before we started its not my fault if he cant listen to directions  
TG: poor poor jonathan sophia egbert  
TG: never was able to listen to directions  
TG: and now look at where it got you  
TG: but youre my best bro and i cant let you stay all comatose like that  
TG: that shit is just not acceptable  
TG: so ill go on this horrible and terrible mind wretching soul searching journey to find a cure to get you out of that coma because  
TG: shit  
TG: i cant let you stay like that  
TG: i just cant  
TG: and ill come back from my journey all ruggedly attractive with my burly arms from fighting off these bears with sharks for arms  
TG: totally different from my scrawny arms of today  
TG: and dad egbert will weep when he sees me  
TG: and ill plant a big one right on your face cause the seer of light that lives in the dark told me it was the only way to get you to see  
TG: and when i went to visit the witch of space out in the furthest ring for a second opinion cause lets face it  
TG: that seer of light has some pretty questionable motives if you catch my drift  
TG: she told me the exact same thing  
TG: just kiss him you doofus  
TG: why do you have to make everything so difficult  
TG: and then a couple of emoticons after that  
TG: but i dont know  
TG: it just is  
TG: its difficult   
EB: it doesn’t have to be, you know?

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:51 --

EB: dave woah? you logged off pretty quickly there.  
EB: are you still on and just avoiding me or am i just being a dork talking to myself?  
EB: waiiit, i just got a pester from rose.  
EB: okay, dave. i know that you are still on.  
EB: she just sent me a couple of texts asking what i did because you started messaging her like crazy?  
EB: dave, just talk to me.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 03:53 --

TG: sup   
EB: was there a meaning to those messages that you just sent me?  
EB: cause all i got from them was that you put me in a coma. :(  
EB: rude, dave, rude.   
TG: nothing else  
TG: really john   
EB: waiiiit… i am currently utilizing my reading comprehension skills that the public education has honed into a fine tuned machine.   
TG: youre skimming   
EB: uh, yeah. pretty much.  
EB: uh! excuse me? what’s this about my middle name being sophia, mister david beatrice strider?  
EB: wait  
EB: woah, what’s this about something so outrageous that it’ll make my heart go pitter patter?   
TG: okay  
TG: i have no flipping clue what youre doing at the moment  
TG: how the fuck are you reading these messages  
TG: how the hell are you skimming those messages  
TG: how is this making any sense at all  
TG: are you selectively reading my messages egbert  
TG: is that what youre doing   
EB: ssssh, i don’t question the weird things you do.  
EB: and we all know there’s a lot of them.  
EB: /ENGAGE SASSY Z-SNAP ;)   
TG: omfg  
TG: why are you such a dork  
TG: its like when the big man in the sky was making you  
TG: he decided that it would be all chill and cool to infuse you with all the dorkiness that is available in the world  
TG: but there wasnt enough dorkiness so he grabbed a handful of gobber and threw some of that in too  
TG: mixed it all around and decided that shitty taste in movies was a good idea too because those big blue eyes and ridiculous overbite werent enough either   
EB: hey!   
TG: its a party mix of sinfully sweet nerdiness  
TG: and i just cant get enough  
TG: got me coming back with withdrawal symptoms  
TG: gotta get hooked up with an iv filled with your gooberness   
EB: haha, the egbertian charms must be hard to resist huh?  
EB: it’s okay, dave.  
EB: it’s okay to feel a bit stupefied and maybe even a bit titillated!    
TG: god  
TG: titillated   
EB: too far?   
TG: do you really have no idea  
TG: jesus john  
TG: do you even know what you do to me   
EB: uh… wait  
EB: what?????   
TG: shit  
TG: john you dont know what you got me feeling  
TG: egbert that smile of yours sends me reeling  
TG: i get flustered when you smile my way  
TG: like you know about these feelings i cant convey  
TG: you got my heart wrapped around your fucking finger  
TG: a love that jumpstarts me like a defibrillator  
TG: great big fucking deal cause this is all so unreal  
TG: deal is that im defenseless looking for an appeal  
TG: will you listen cause this aint some game  
TG: you got eyes that put all the stars to shame  
TG: go straight to my heart a free get out of jail card  
TG: out in the open is this love that i have barred  
TG: with this confession i hope you will consider  
TG: me your admirer  
TG: fuck  
TG: wow that sucks so fucking bad  
TG: just a big pile of steaming shit right there in our otherwise pristine pesterlog  
TG: like a horse just flicked up its tail  
TG: and said yo man look out down below gonna drop a big one on you guys hope you dont mind  
TG: what am i even thinking  
TG: what am i even SAYING??  
TG: this isnt the way it was supposed to go  
TG: im just gonna

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 04:02 --

EB: dave, wait!  
EB: you’re not supposed to leave after a love confession!  
EB: god you lord of douche-butts! i hope you’re paying attention cause i am only going to do this once.  
EB: jeez.  
EB: argh.  
EB: this is harder than expected. wow.  
EB: i need to get my thinking cap on.  
EB: okay, okay. now i am ready to BUST SOME RHYMES!  
EB: dave you’re so much dorkier than you think you are.  
EB: strider confessing your love leaves my mouth ajar.  
EB: i get my heart tied up thinking about you too,  
EB: like what if you were the cheese to my fondue.  
EB: you make my kokoro go doki doki,  
EB: too much of a good thing makes stuff pokey????  
EB: man, what the fuck am i saying?  
EB: just  
EB: yes.

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 04:10 --

TG: oh  
TG: ok then  
TG: but john  
TG: cheese fondue  
TG: kokoro go doki doki  
TG: stuff pokey  
TG: really john  
TG: really   
EB: haha, man, it’s okay. my brilliance is kind of intimidating, i know.   
TG: yes you have me swooning over here  
TG: daintily dabbing at my forehead with a silk handkerchief  
TG: oh mr egbert how did you ever get those mad skills  
TG: i could never rhyme doki with pokey   
EB: it’s okay dave, we all have our strengths and weaknesses.  
EB: and uh! before i forget…  
EB: merry christmas dave!  
EB: <3   
TG: merry christmas to you too johnny boy  
TG: and uh  
TG: <3

\-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 04:13 --


End file.
